Blog Details

Introduction

Dementia is not just about memory loss. It is also about the pain of watching someone you love slowly forget the world around them.

When this happens, how we speak to them becomes very important.

But most people, even with good intentions, make one simple mistake again and again.

This mistake does not help the person with dementia. It makes things harder.

Let us understand what that mistake is and what we can do instead.

What Most of Us Do Without Realising

Imagine this:

Your mother, who has dementia, says something like:

“Your brother came to visit me yesterday.”

But you know that your brother did not come at all.

So you say something like:

“No, Amma. He did not come yesterday. You are wrong.”

You say it out of love. You are trying to tell the truth.

But this is the most common mistake people make when speaking to someone with dementia.

Why Correcting Them Does Not Help

People with dementia cannot remember things the way we do. Their version of reality may be different, but it feels real to them.

When we tell them they are wrong, they feel:

• Confused
   
• Embarrassed
   
• Sad
   
• Angry
   

It does not make them feel better. It makes them feel lost.

They may not remember the facts. But they will remember the feeling.

The Emotional Damage We May Not See

When we keep correcting a person with dementia, we think we are helping.

But what actually happens?

They feel like they are always making mistakes. They may feel like they are becoming a burden.

This can lead to:

• Frustration
   
• Fear
   
• Silence
   
• Emotional distance
   

And slowly, even small conversations become difficult.

A Better Way: Respond to Feelings, Not Facts

Instead of correcting what they said, try to connect with how they feel.

For example, if they say:

“Your brother came yesterday.”

You can say:

“You must be happy thinking about him.”

Or

“Yes, you miss him a lot. Let us talk about him.”

This way, you are not arguing. You are making them feel heard and loved.

What Changes When We Do This

When we stop focusing on what is true or false, and start focusing on how they feel:

• They feel calm
   
• They feel understood
   
• You avoid unnecessary fights
   
• You build trust and closeness
   

It brings peace to them. It also brings peace to you.

What We Teach Families at Vazhikatti

At Vazhikatti Mental Health Centre, we support families through every step of dementia care.

We help you learn:

• How to respond with kindness instead of correction
   
• How to speak in a way that makes your loved one feel safe
   
• How to take care of your own stress while supporting them
   

This is not just about treatment. It is about understanding.

Final Takeaway

If someone close to you is living with dementia, remember:

• Do not correct them
   
• Do not argue with them
   
• Do not try to fix their memory
   

Instead:

• Listen to their feelings
   
• Speak with warmth
   
• Help them feel safe
   

That is the real care they need.

Do you want help caring for someone with dementia?
We are here for you.

Call: 75075 50050
Visit: www.vazhikatti.com
Watch: Vazhikatti Mental Health Centre on YouTube

Let us take care of them, together!